“The bird of the paradise lands on the hands that do not try to grab him” the proverb goes; but who has the maturity and self control to have his paradise bird in the palm of his hands and not try to grab him and put a seal on him so that he can be owned and marked, possessed and never to let fly again!!
That frightening thought, that monstrous obsession of losing our loved ones, of no longer being a part of who they are, of no longer being a part of their lives and the center of their world is unbearable!
The horror of the worst case scenario, the terror of a change of a heart when someone suddenly stops to care like he used to care before, the tormented agony of love when we fear to hear the words:” I do not love you anymore” … we all passed through this psychological insecurities when we loved someone a great deal that exceeds the limits and goes beyond the normal to step in the mania area… where we feel a universal conspiracy that is being pulled against us every day , a certain hidden force that is fighting to deprive us from the warmth and the love our loved ones pour into the chalice of our being!
Haven’t we all experienced a variety of emotions that pulls us closer at one time only to push us further the other time, near and far from fear and faith, dancing on that thin line, on the edge of being sure of who we love and feeling invincible that nothing can break us , that we are going to be always there for each other no matter what , or how tough the conditions are, and the doubt we are trapped into when we start the “ what if” monologue where we put zillions and zillions of possibilities that are born out of panic, the children of anxiety run free and play with our intellectual and emotional stability , exposing us to the weakest link in us, making us feel closer to hell and further away from heaven and that ‘s when agitation strikes and takes its toll on us;
we misplace our peace of mind and our self esteem starts to decrease , we start seeing our faults , and we get obsessed about our appearance thinking that if you look better or skinnier , we would find the certification and the affirmation that our loved one will always be by our side and that the risk of losing them will diminish!
Little do we know that when someone loves us , they love our substance , what makes us the us they love, the ingredients of our character and individuality not the physical self nor the physical features , these are accidental , these do not add or change who we are , how we think , act , react …
do not be too fragile , do not dwell in the land of fear of loss for too long, for if someone wants to walk out of your life , he will leave no matter how beautiful you make yourself and no matter how rich you are , no matter how hard you want him to stay! No one owns anyone, and no one has anyone, expect those who we do not try to grasp and suffocate with our needy and obsessive manners; if you want someone to stay with you for a lifetime, let him stay in his terms , let him breath the air of liberty , do not try to trap him into the cage of ownership , do not try to tame his need for freedom, give him his own space , let there be no doors nor windows , so he can leave when he pleases and comes back wanting to come back to you, not because he has to return to you!
Remember that there is always the” me” and the” you” inside of the “us”, no matter how close you get to someone, you are never him, and he is never you! Let there be spaces between you , let there is be seasons, let there be a timing zone where time can become an ally and not an enemy for he will use the time away from you to be eager to get back to you willingly , refreshed and with a new heart to love you every day with an original way! The fear throws us into what we are afraid to fall into! Know that if you have someone and if there is a true connection, a bond that goes beyond the time and space and the human relationship codes and formulas, there is no power on heaven or earth that can separate you from them until hell freezes over so just love and live to the point of tears and whoever wants to go, let him leave for it is an insult to your dignity to let stay while he is desperate to run off!
Lina Hanna Hanna.
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