The Void...

Into the fog of my mind’s heart all things are disappearing; I am losing my sense of awareness, I am getting disconnected from the system, my biological organs are becoming more like instruments that I have no control over, wherever I go the crowds fade away and all the place are nothing but empty spaces, I feel nothing but hollow emotions, the time was once a friend now turned into a foe, using his army of sluggish minutes to march slowly to my death…

My dragging thoughts pull my heavy mind behind leaving traces of my bleeding ideas of freedom and a once experienced joy; broken is how I feel, shattered into fragments and pieces, worn out and exhausted, my whole being in a state of disobedience, I am vanishing little by little and as I sink deeper and deeper into the gap of my soul I am asking myself what is the void that is consuming me? Does it linger within me or it is there through everything around me, through the cracks of the material world that my ethereal entity yearns to break away from its limitations?

I no longer sense the crowd, somehow I am always isolated in the midst of population, for some reason I no longer hear words only mixed up voices and distorted language; I no longer hear the music and I have lost my ballet …

I want to dance again, I want to close the jaws of that atrocious void and stop it from eating me up alive, I want to feel again, I want to be united with the world around me, I don’t want to be numb anymore, I want the heat of life to defrost my frozen warmth …

I am in a state of total anesthetized existence where I am asleep while being wide awake , I want to stir up my soul again, I want to arouse my senses and undergo a transformation , a metamorphosis of emotions and thoughts, I want to cross over the other side and enjoy watching myself from that high distance from the ground , I want to rise up to the seventh sky while having my feet on the floor …

I want to renew my existence, to restore myself and reconcile it to my other selves. I want to fill in the blank in my soul; I want to bridge the gaps inside my inner islands and cities. I no longer want to be trapped inside the fractures of my wounded life. I do not want the bargain, I want the merchandise, and I will stop searching the bazaar of reality so I can have a better chance to find riches that are out of this world…

I want to stay hanging in the middle where there is no beginning and no end, just an ongoing state of being that endures the test of time and just goes on and on without ever arriving or reaching any destination, just being the forever nomad that belongs to all the places, just detachment, and a endless journey of discovery, simply conquering the world by never trying to own it …

Lina Hanna Hanna