قزم يتوهٌم أنه عملاق

غبيٌ يظن أنه نابغة في الذكاء ، جميل القالب ولكنه قبيح القلب ، جاهل لنفسه لا

يعلم سوى سراب المعرفة وهي درايته بعالم ملطٌخ بدماء كل ما هو خيٌر في الإنسان وبكل القيم والأحلام التي اغتاله بيديه وأعلن موت البراءة والعلاقات النٌظيفة وأهميٌة الفكر وأصحابه ، متوٌجاً نفسه ملك لا يملك حتٌى ما يحكم به عرشه أو يتحكٌم بانفعالاته أو لسانه الذي يطلقه ليقتل برصاصه كل من يكشف حقيقته له ... مسكين ، أشعر بالشٌفقة على حاله ، وحيد في بؤسه ، ضحيٌة ضعفه وعجزه عن مواجهة الحياة ومن القفز فوق حواجزها ...

صغير أمام ضخامة النفس البشرية ، تافه أمام أهميٌة الإنسان وتساميه عن اّدميته ليعلو إلى مرتبة الإله بقدرته على الحب والتٌسامح ومعرفة الذات ...

يفضل السٌخافة على الثٌقافة ، يدين الأخرين ويحكم عليهم وينعتهم ويصنٌفهم متناسياً أنه منهم أيضاً ، بأنه ليس سوى بشريٌ ناقص لم يفلح حتٌى بإنسانيٌته ، أعمى البصيرة وحادٌ البصر ...

له أقول: مهما قلت لي من كلمات لتشويه صورتي لنفسي ، كلماتك عاقر، مملوءة من فراغ روحك ، ومن ضعفك ، لست رجلاً بل أنت ولد كبير ، يغضب ويشتم ، لعدم فهمه لما يدور حوله ، كلماتك الجارحة لا تجرحني لأنٌها لا تستطيع أن تخترق جلدي بل وقعت على اسفلت ملعبك حيث تلعب ألاعيب الصٌغار دون أن تستفيد من الٌلعب لتنمو وتنضج ...

قد ظننت بأني استطيع أن أغيٌر البشاعة التي تتآكلك ولكني سرعان ما تيقٌنت بأنها ثقافتك الوحيدة ، عار عليك ، أن ترمي بكل ما هو نظيف لجرذان أواسخك ، أن تدنٌس كل ما هو مقدٌس ، أن تسرق عفوية الٌلحظات ، أن تدوس على الأبعاد الروحيٌة والفكرية للإنسان التي تبعده عن دونيته ودنيا المادٌة لترفعه إلى أرقى المستويات ...

لقد سقط قناعك ، وكم كرهت ما رأيت ، لأول مرٌة كنت أفضٌل الوهم والكذب على الحقيقة والواقع فالحقيقة ثقيلة الوطأة ، لا يمكن التعرٌض لها دفعة واحدة فقد تقتل ... وقد قتلت صورتك في ذهني لتحلٌ مكانها صورتك أمامي ...

نصيحتي لك لا تكن سجين أفكارك الضيٌقة المقولبة والمستنسخة ، بل ابحث عن نورك الخاص في أشدٌ الأماكن ظلمةً ، تحرٌى عن أجوبتك وادحض جميع معادلاتك ، كن ليٌناً وافتح نوافذ قلبك لتدخل شمس التٌعاطف فتدفئ صقيع دهاليز روحك ...

لينا حنا حنا

Shackles and Chains

Ambushed, locked in, dragging the heavy iron chains wrapped around me I take my steps , days haul as the minutes conspire to suffocate me while I feel their slow cold passage on my weary heart , as I feel exhausted and sedated from carrying all those moments of what feels a hollow eternity of going back to the start in a vicious circle where I can hardly feel what is it that I feel , it’s like I am present but absent in my very presence, voices sound like far away and distant echoes , where words sound like a distorted noise and where looking at the faces of the persons I see is like watching the nothingness inside of me , it s when the demons of despair are having a festival of the sorrow and anguish that eat me up while alive…

It is when I want to soar high but my wings are broken , it s when I want to run and race time but my feet are planted in the ground , it ‘s when I want to be active but all I do is being passive , it is when I am in a bigger cage and that I beat myself into while trying to break free, it is when I have the will but not the means and the ways to make the idea into a tangible reality , it is when I am fighting the world’s cruelty and deceit on my own , it is when the pain is too strong that I no longer suffer it , it is when I am hurt till my bones , it is when I suffocate because I can’t inhale the amount of air that I need , it is when I feel forsaken and abandoned , it is when the universe betray me and that destiny mock my positivity …

In those days I fall into a cyclone of gloom and doom, when nothing is going right and everything is just one huge mess, when the rose of my soul die of thirst, it is when the birds of my inner garden suddenly stop singing, it is when my inner well runs dry, it is when the aster of my being leaves its sky and only darkness remains…

It is when reality wins over the dream and when capability is killed by the lack of opportunity, it is the surrender replacing the struggle, it is when I just do not have the strengths within me, it is me not enjoying anything because I was long deprived of many things, it is me not being interested anymore after I stayed interested for very long, it is the slap of time on my face after I cuddled with hours and made friends with days that turned against me , it is the price I pay for being a dreamer , an idealist in a material world , where the monster of consumption is feeding from the blood of production , it is the thief of joy stealing my happiness away from me by challenging me to let go of me in order to be …

I am worn out , i am tired from walking down a road that is not leading me anywhere, I am drained out , losing my breath of life tormented from living too little when I want to live too much and feel too much from accomplishing too little when I want to achieve the impossible . Where is the exit? I want a way out , my soul is in agony , my heart is a rebellion , but will its revolution be fruitful , will I bloom or just disintegrate in my own sorrow ?

Lina Hanna Hanna

البحث عن لآلئ الذات

في بحر الوجوديٌة ، أمواج العبثيٌة تهدد البشريٌة ، كلنا نتصارع مع أنفسنا ومع

الآخرين محاولين الهروب من المأزق الوجوديٌ لأننا نريد أن نجد مخرجاً من متاهات كياننا ، نرغب في الفرار بعيداً عن همومنا المؤرقة وعن ملل حياتنا اليومية وتكرار التكرار ليلاً نهار ، إنه الإحباط ، القنوط والقصور في إيجاد معنًى أسمى نتجاوز به الآنيٌة ، لذا نغوص في قعر أنفسنا علٌنا بذلك نضع أيدينا على لآلئنا الدٌفينة في ظلمة أعماقنا...

نعيش في عالم مجنون حيث تسود الفوضى الوجودية والعدميٌة ، حيث يتساوى الٌلاشيء مع كل شيء ، حيث وجود الشيء وانعدامه على حد السٌواء ، حيث الهامش لم يعد مهمٌشاً بل أصبح الصفحة بأكملها ونحن ندور حول أنفسنا بخضٌم هذا كله بعد أن أضعناها في تفاصيل الحياة اليومية وعصر السرعة وإذ بنا نركض وراء ذاتنا الضٌالة فتارةً نبحث عنها بغير مكانها وتارةً نبحث عنها بمكانها ولكن تكون الرؤية ضبابية فيتعثٌر علينا ايجادها ولكننا نأبى أن نكفٌ عن البحث ،فنحن بعجزنا وبضعفنا نتوق إلى معرفة بأن هناك ما هو أعظم وأبعد من هذا الكون ، نريد لعلامات الإستفهام أن تستقيم ، نريد الأجوبة على ما لا جواب له ضمن محدوديٌة عقلنا البشري ليكون لنا العزاء والطمأنينة في خضم كل المتغيرٌات والتحوٌلات في الحياة... لذا نحن دائماً أبداً في رحلة إستكشاف للذات في جميع ألوانها وقبائلها ... فمعرفة النفس تحصٌنها ضد تقلٌبات الزمان والإنسان وتضعها على برٌ الأمان ...

هي الجسر الذي يساعدنا على العبور إلى الضفٌة الأخرى بعيداً عن مستنقع الأحزان وعن وكر الأوهام وزوبعة الكلام الفارغ فنطأ أرض الحقيقة ونرتمي في احضان النور في حالة تنوير لا مثيل لها ...

لا تهلع إن شعرت بأنك فقدت ذاتك ، فإنك بفقدانها تجدها ، وبابتعادك عنها اقترابك منها ... ولا تخف إن وجدتها متغيٌرة بل افرح بصيرورتها فهي دائمة الإنشداد إلى ما ما يمكن أن تكون ...

لينا حنا حنا

A Tribute to My Godmother: My second Mother

She graces me with her heavenly smile, she shelters me from any harm, she lights up my world with her mesmerizing loving voice, always there when she is needed , always supporting me , putting up with me when I give her a hard time , she is simply divine…

Eyes so glowing with the flame of love and compassion, tongue that speaks only a language of sympathy and understanding, she is a soldier of righteousness, a warrior of humanity, a hard working woman and a great mother, an adorable wife and a finer friend you can never find …

To say I love her would be an understatement, to say I admire the person she is does not do her justice, to talk about her golden heart is the hardest task for me for her treasures are beyond this world and words commit suicide when describing her refinement…

I am not only tied with her by the blood bond but rather by the heart bond as well, for even if she was not my aunty she would still be my role model and a second mother to me , to have my own biological mother has been more than a blessing to me and to have her as my aunty is twice a blessing and I thank God for the amount of love they shower me with , I ask him to be worthy of his bounty giving me two walking angels while on earth…

Her name is Violette and a violet she is, no flower can ever match her fragrance and her beauty, 5she stands in pride her head towards the sky, always positive, keeping her faith and living her beliefs is what makes her life ease…

She is constantly around; she has a charm that no human can resist, her laughter is a new birth, her insight makes you rich with the pearls of her mind, she is the closest to perfection that I can ever see and I am forever grateful she is in my life, she is my pride and she is my star …

May God always keep her in my world so that it can become more bearable and less challenging …

I love you Aunty

Lina Hanna Hanna

Untamed and wild

In my bewilderment I enjoy letting go of my nomadic self where I can roam and wander off getting lost in my inner worlds … Running free in the wilderness of my being

I run towards the sun, I look towards the horizon of my soul; I seek new territories, fresh rivers and new scenery … I am forever in quest for what makes me feel i am more alive and less existing …

I embrace the here and now with arms wide open; I hug the unexpected and kiss the lips of mystery I encounter within me and within others…

I can’t get enough of learning and discovering, I do not mind climbing my own mountains nor descending to my deepest deep bottom valley at the same time … when a feeling emerges no matter how dark it may be I welcome it and enjoy its burst …

I am always on the run, high on emotions and enjoying the pain of wanting too much and thinking too much and feeling too much, I enjoy being me even when I hate the me among the many me that inhabits me, the tribes of woman inside of me never scare me, I always seek to understand and never to judge my own being …

I find pleasure in my own madness, I rejoice my multi dimensions, I celebrate my demons as much as I celebrate my angels, I enjoy driving fast and loud music, I savor the sweetness of life in the same way I taste its bitterness, I always find refuge in mother nature and its wisdom … I adore seeing my reflection in the spark I see in the eyes of those whom I love ….

I am knocked out by the pleasures that present themselves to me, I love the road and the travel more than I love to arrive at any destination, I am always eager and keen to find a mind that speaks to mine with no language and no lexis, i am sedated when another heart sings my song and hear my inner music, I am never tired of dancing on the tunes of my inner world and I am always rejuvenated when someone knows how to play on the strings of my being …

I am happy wandering around my inner maps and I do not have any problem with being lost in the labyrinths of my heart , the emotional anarchy I experience is one of my enlightening journeys , it is eye opening and self revealing to me …

Not having a plan is my plan, feeding from the surge of life’s occurrences with no expectancy; just the thrill of being alive is enough for me …

I enjoy the little things in life for they are never small, they are the grand prize in the lottery of existence , I enjoy the smell of my coffee in the morning , the echoes of laughter of my nieces and nephews , the sweet embrace of my mother, the teasing game my sister and I engage ourselves into … My favorite songs and my desired places and faces, roaming in all places in one place and defying the hand of time of my soul having the elixir of my eternal youth in the fountains of my heart where birds sings an everlasting melody …

I sink in my black mood and in the deserted spaces that keep the void of my soul open to be yet filled...i do not curse my depression , I bless my anguish and my sorrow for it gives me two wings to fly above death and soreness …

I enjoy my human experience, living horizonticaly and vertically with all the highs and lows that being a human throws me in its claws and I do not mind fighting back and struggling to get what I want, and to achieve what I never thought myself capable of achieving …

Being me is the greatest gift life has offered me and I am eager to always shed skin and become who I can be , to evolve in a way that allows me to enclose the whole universe within the beats of my heart …

To be one with the world I inhabit is heavenly feeling that cannot be compared, to get pleasure from getting older and still cherish the little girl inside of me is amazing …

To tango with the existence one moment coming together, the other to move apart is an adrenaline rush that pumps blood through my veins and make me insatiable in every shape, way and form, there is never the right dose in my book, I am an extremist by chance and by choice, it is either too much of something or nothing at all …

The horses of my mind will always run free in the wilderness , I will never tame them to please anyone , I am who I am and this is the only way I know who I am …. So either run along with me or just let me be me …

Lina Hanna Hanna..